How can you tell

Had another long break, being over a month late. I have had two invites to go for a cervical smear test (ok, I confess, the first one was six months ago) and keep putting off booking the appointment, thinking that I don't want to book it and then have my period start. I have been feeling more and more weary over the last few months. I have no way of knowing if this is a menopausal symptom or just something to do with getting older. I used to be able to come home from work and do other stuff. Mainly now I come home and sit, maybe knit or blog browse, but just sit, until dinner time, and then sit some more. Or maybe it is just lethargy and I should pull myself together. And spots. Lots of them. And skin irritation. And putting on weight. Not a lot, just enough to notice that I really can't wear my old work trousers because the waist is now restrictive to actual breathing and movement. I have had a pretty steady weight since I was a teenager, only really varying by about half a stone or so, so I can tell when it is changing.
The thing that has really struck me is that I no longer feel broody when I see small babies. I remember so vividly the urge to reproduce, the craving to have and hold a tiny baby. The intoxication of the smell and the touch. The pleasure in being pregnant and anticipation of the arrival. And I used to worry that I would go on feeling like that, that the idea of another child would sit at the back of my mind and preoccupy me, and fill me with regret. But it's gone. No yearning whatsoever. I get warm, cosy, grandmotherly sensations about the idea of babies. And to tell you the truth I am pretty relieved.


(Picture, Beech forest by Gustav Klimt, just because it is one of my favourite paintings)

There will be blood

I sat over my breakfast today and listened to this very interesting interview entitled "There will be blood: Evolution and function of menstruation" over on Skeptically Speaking (it's an hour long but worth sitting through). The woman talking is Dr Kate Clancy who is a researcher into all things menstruational and who also writes an interesting blog over at Scientific American. The talk was partly about the evolution and physiology of periods but also some more cultural aspects and the impact on women. Particularly interesting was the prevalent urban myths around the whole subject. The idea of 'synchronisation' of cycles amongst women who live closely together is debunked and I just loved the fact that someone had bothered to research whether it was safe to go camping while on your period ... apparently there is no evidence the scent of blood will make you more vulnerable to attack by a bear:-)

(I borrowed the image here from The Period Blog)

Having had another extended break between cycles I then had a period that lasted ten days. On the plus side there were no cramps, which have got gradually worse over the years. No particular other symptoms that I might be able to attribute to my hormones.

Menopausal women in literature

I had been thinking about the way women are portrayed in literature, particularly older women, and how little mention there is of the menopause as a part of women's lives. So I am on the look out for examples of menopausal women in my reading. This first one is from 'The Personal History of Rachel Dupree' by Ann Weisgarber, that I have been listening to on audiobook. This is a description of Mrs Fills-the-pipe, a native american woman who Rachel invites for tea on the porch, in spite of her husband's antagonism to 'Indians'.

"She looked older and slower than she had in the spring. Her back was bent with a little hump reminding me how women folded in on themselves when their child bearing years had passed."

International Menopause Day

Apparently today is World Menopause Day, and this year the International Menopause Society is focussing it's attention on the 'hot flushes and night sweats' that is one of the most common menopausal symptoms. And the wise and knowledgable ones will even be holding a world gathering in Cancun in 2014 ... who knew it was all so exciting.

Feeling distinctly less menopausal recently.

Photo from a celebration of International Waffle Day, which sounds a whole lot more fun to me:-)

Just funny

Getting wise

So one minute I'm kept in lengthy anticipation and the next it tries to catch me unawares, but I am wise to that now. Even the old 'I'm finished ... oh no I'm back' trick can't catch me out. It gives a whole new meaning to the trusty Scout motto of 'Be Prepared'. But mainly I've been trying not to worry too much about it all.

In contemplating a new role at work I was forced to consider that I have experienced a significant decline in my energy levels over the last six months or so, it's one of those very vague symptoms often attributed to the menopause and yet could have so many other explanations, mainly just plain old getting-on-a-bit maybe?

I did find a nice side to the story however on a link from The F Word (a feminist blog site), to an article about the improvement in your sex life that comes with age and experience. Also via The F word I found this brilliant site called Adventures in Menstruating, I never knew there were such aspects to the women's movement, it has opened up a whole new arena of activism. Their 'raison d'être' is defined thusly:

"We think menstruation is funny. This is why we write about it, talk about it and make up smutty jokes about it. Then we laugh. A lot. Why is menstruation funny? Um...for the same reasons a lot of other stuff is funny. It's a taboo subject - the shock of it all always gets a giggle right away and, immature or not, the gross-out factor is still fun. It's the new fart joke. You wait and see. Laughter is therapeutic - sometimes periods are a pain in the uterus. Observational humour ain't all bad, and that moment of recognition feels good. We like that shared experience thing. Comedy as subversion is addictive - once you start undermining those stereotypes and analysing the euphemisms, you just can't stop. Menstruation has historically, socially and culturally been cloaked in fear and shame. Deconstructing these beliefs, with brute force when necessary, is empowering. Oh yeah - all our stuff is for menstruators and non-menstruators."

men's troubles

The media tends to give the impression that it is only women who worry about getting and looking older and the 'problems' of ageing. It's easy to forget that men have hormones too (I think men forget it too). The group of men I was working alongside on Saturday morning were bemoaning the state of their hair ... or rather loss or lack of it. Although hair loss does seem to be an any-time-of-life issue rather than one restricted to middle age, it was just nice to know that, as well as the endless football conversations, they do also occasionally talk about their problems. Despite the fact that men do not get a male menopause in the same way as women, after all men can continue to produce children well into old age, they do still get hormone fluctuations causing many similar symptoms. Anyway, I decided not to share my recent tribulations with them, so I just made sympathetic noises.